“I DON’T HATE CHINESE PEOPLE, I JUST THINK THAT BEING CHINESE IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN BE” is also what you sound like.
“I DON’T LIKE CHINESE PEOPLE BECAUSE WHEN I WAS A KID I READ A BOOK THAT SAYS CHINESE PEOPLE ARE SHITTY” is exactly what you sound like.
OH SHIT Y’ALL remember how after Newtown a bunch of gun owners got harassed, assaulted and murdered just because they owned guns? That is a thing that happened!
I want to say something clever but this video makes me want to just yell forever so you guys say something clever instead please.
UPDATE: They are not getting that church cleaned
- Wrong Number: Do i take this as a yes <*~Phil. 3:14~*>
I hope they can get that church cleaned
- Wrong Number: Do u wanna clean every monday till school gets out? <*~Phil. 3:14~*>
- Me: That sounds RETARDED <*~Jeff 420:69*~>
MIRROR MYSTERY- Can you figure out the mystery movie mirrored in this photo I took with my laptop because my I can’t find my iPhone??? (HINT: This is the 4th time I’m watching it this month.)
¡¿¡ʇɐɔ buıʞןɐʇ ɐ :ɹǝʍsuɐ
If you eliminate 30+ minutes where characters are JUST WALKING FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER you could pass A Talking Cat!?! off as the worst episode of Fringe ever.
#2. Daryl Hall Is a Warlock
Remember when your crazy evangelical mom threw all of your albums into a bonfire because they were “the devil’s music”? Was there any Hall & Oates up in there? No? You still had that copy of Private Eyes collecting dust on the shelf? That’s probably because Daryl Hall’s black magic wanted it that way.
Hey guys, my friend Jake wrote this. Please read it, or at least click on the link and pretend you did.
NIKKI & SARA LIVE PREMIERES TONIGHT ON MTV! Holy moly.
I’ve been writing for this show with some ridiculously funny people and I’m way too excited for its debut. Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer are amazing comedians, the first guest is Ke$ha and we’re live in the TRL studio in Times Square. So many things about this show just make me goop my pants each and every day, so please, WATCH! 11PM, MTV. Eeeee!!!
This is exciting and there are awesome people involved in this show.
Watch our show and see why Emmy goops her pants
Hey my stupid friend Chase is a writer for this show so watch it and let’s hope it goes well and that it’s a show that changes all our lives that way when I’m like 80 I can tell my grandkids “You know my friend Chase changed my life,” and they’ll say “How, King Grandpa?” (that’s what they’ll call me) and I’ll say “He wrote for this really good show” and they’ll just kind of sit there for a while but deep down they’ll get it. Someday they’ll understand old King Grandpa.
- The kid working the counter has a mohawk, but his t-shirt says “GOOF” so you know he’s not a jerk.
- If you order tea you can pay an extra dollar to have a British man in a monocle drink it with you.
- When you stir the fruit up in the yogurt parfait, it whispers the name of who has a crush on you.
- The art on the walls changes every day to describe that cool dream you had last night.
- Sometimes the coffee is too hot, but you know ahead of time because an Apology Puppy runs out to warn you with a lick to the face and a collar that says “I’m Sorry”
- More than once you will be sitting next to our warm fire, sipping a delicious hot beverage, and think to yourself, “Why would I ever want to leave here?”
- Why WOULD you ever want to leave here?
- I don’t think you should ever leave here.
- Please don’t try to leave here.
- You can’t leave here? That’s because there are no doors, only walls!
- Might as well have another cup of coffee, since you can’t get out!
- How did you get in here in the first place, you ask?
- You didn’t!
- You were always here!
- We all were always here!
- Your entire life was a construct of your own mind trying to come to terms with the reality of your eternal prison!
- Welcome home!
- Welcome home!
- Welcome home!
- All of reality is a sham, a vapid, embarrassing facade we all embrace and share to escape the horrifying truth, that we are all part of the same web of matter and existence, portioned off and entombed in a hellish nightmare where the least important things in the history of the mighty universe are thrust in front of us and deemed worthy of attention, a nightmare we refer to, day-in and day-out, as “life”. EMBRACE THE TRUTH EMBRACE THE PRISON
- Our hibiscus mint tea is delicious and sure to put a pep in your step!