December 2009
77 posts
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My computer does not charge.
Bottom line, I’m going to be on the Internet for very limited amounts of time until I get this problem fixed. I feel like a junkie who broke all his needles.
if you are a tree, what would you do to save the environment?
I would don a cape made of leaves and become Tree-Man, sending waves of fear through loggers and polluters as I crush their brethren with my oaken fists.
Ask me anything*.
*Most things
Things I'm doing late at night on Christmas Eve
1) Wrap presents
2) Catch up on this “Jersey Shore” thing all you kids are talking about
3) Formspring?
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I really wish I could find a screencap of last...
I just spent the last fifteen minutes exposing my fragile soul to all things terrible looking for video of last night’s O’Reilly Factor, because one of my managers determines FOX News must be on one of the TVs at work at all times and it was really slow and boring last night so I found my head drifting up toward that particular TV more than once. One of these instances I saw the most...
Balloon Boy parents get jail time →
jheath:
Not nearly enough, but it works. Also, I still think they need to be forced to change that kid’s legal name to “Balloon Boy.”
But maybe that’s just me.
I think “Falcon,” combined with the fact that he can’t possibly be an ’80s TV action star is bad enough.
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The only thing worse than having to watch a...
Also AIDS. AIDS is worse.
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you guys, if 100 people like this post before 2am...
ragetoons:
(via nudawn)
I’m reblogging this strictly to point out that her next two posts were “OK THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS ASLEEP.” and “WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE.”
Welcome to the Internet?
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Did anyone else notice they used the closing "Mark...
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I am willing to formally debate Glenn Beck.
Secret #1: My remarks will consist entirely of “You made that up,” and “You’re just saying that to sell more of your _________.”
Secret #2: I will always be right.
Example:
GB: Obama is racist against whites, can’t you people see?!
Me: You completely made that up.
(Ten Minutes Later)
GB: Isn’t it time someone stood up to the government?
Me:...
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Attention Movie Lovers: The Hangover is currently available on DVD for $19.99.
Attention Smart Movie Lovers: The Hangover is currently available on the internet for free.
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Glenn Beck and The Christmas Sweater - Cracked... →
Probably the best Cracked Topics article I’ve ever read (other than this one somebody wrote about Transformers 2).
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Paul O.: If you walked in out of the rain into a theater and saw this movie--
Louis CK: If it was raining AIDS, I'd go back out and open my mouth, and look up at it like a turkey and drown in AIDS rain.
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A funny thing happened on the way to Taco Bell.
So I got pulled over last night for running a red light (technically; I didn’t “stop” enough before turning right at a red light), and the cop came up to my window and basically told me right away that I wasn’t getting a ticket (his exact words were, “We’ll have you out of here in just a second.”) He took my license, registration and insurance, and five...
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Dexter and Californication had two of the most...
Now I’m all bummed out.
You know what sucks about being white,...
mattgorman:
Nothing.
Suck it, losers!
“Average height” is short people code for “short”.
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An unfortunate consequence of being tall
january20:
jheath:
danieleric:
menstrom:
With some ties, getting the correct length to knot size ratio is impossible. To get the length right, I end up with a tiny ass knot and the tail doesn’t reach the loop on the back side.To get a good knot, I end up looking like a Capone-era ganster.
Holy crap I have this same problem. I love being tall and all, but seriously.
But I do think they...
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Is Gorman a jew? He sure looks like one. I think he’s a closeted Jew.
He’s the most closeted Jew I’ve seen since Anne Frank. *rimshot*
hey man, wanna suck my dick?
pics first
You are a man! You have a giant penis! On OPPOSITE DAY! …NOT!
So I DO have a giant penis…EXCEPT on Opposite day…that sounds right.
Whats it like to be a bitch?
*cries*
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The minimal self-esteem boost is awesome, let’s not lie about it! Are you still pursuing stand-up comedy?
Very much so. I actually just signed up for a local(-ish) comedy festival competition this spring, and I’m planning on moving out to Denver to pursue standup after I graduate (hopefully next December).
How big is your vagina? By volume.
Three pints. Is that a lot?
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I have a formspring as well, because formspring.me... →
At least that’s what I have discovered.
Clint Mansell - Lux Aeterna (Requiem for a Dream...
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Truth
tomorrowonlyknows:
theloveyturtle:
I have never seen any of the Terminator, Alien, or Rocky movies. Not one. Not even little bits and pieces.
Me neither!
Neither have I!
Wait—sorry. I meant, “I have seen every part of every one of those movies.”
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OH SHIT
kborin:
Glee finale is about to get intense
Like West Side Story intense?