Sans Latin
nickgriffith: welcometothisblogbitch: About a week or so ago, I started working on a parody of one of my favorite songs, The Proclaimers classic “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles),” which was about pirating movies (“I would swipe 500 files,” etc). Without really meaning to, a few of the lyrics became focused on porn, and as the song began to take a creepier turn, I jokingly threw out the line “I would stalk 500 childs.” Katie liked it so much that we ended up writing one about pedophilia instead. Enjoy. At the playground, yeah I know I’m gonna beI’m gonna be the man who sneaks up next to youI have candy, and you know I’m gonna beI’m gonna be the man who offers it to youIf I’m out driving, then my van is gonna beIt’s gonna be the van that you get lured intoAnd once you’re in there, there’s no way you’re getting freeBecause the locks on all my doors are child-proof‘Cause I would stalk 500 childsAnd I would stalk 500 moreJust to be the man who stalked a thousand childsTo keep beneath my floorWhen your mom’s working, well I know I’m gonna beI’m gonna be the man who chats online with youAnd when she comes home, you should delete the historyIn case Chris Hansen’s out there tryin’ to be a sleuthIf you’re a fat kid, well you know you’d better beYou’d better be someone who’s trying to lose a fewI’ve still got standards, and you know I’m gonna beI’m gonna be the guy who finds somebody new‘Cause I’d abduct 500 childsAnd I’d abduct 500 moreJust to be the man who stole a thousand childsTo keep beneath my floorDIDDLE-A-DAT-DA (DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA)DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA (DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA)DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DA-DA-DAH‘OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!’‘WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?’‘IT’S THE POLICE ANDWE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID’‘OH HOLY SHIT I SHOULD HAVE NOT SUNG THAT SO LOUD’I grew up Catholic, and my parents repressed meSo I became this quiet freak who preys on youthYou should arrest me, and just throw away the key,Or else I’ll point your gun at me until you shoot.‘Cause I would touch 500 childsAnd I would touch 500 moreJust to be the man who touched a thousand childsI’m probably right next dooooooooor I like it!  Although it may be a little outside the realm for what they would consider for a CH Original. “I like it!  Although it may be a little outside the realm for what they would consider for a CH Original.” Read: funny

nickgriffith:

welcometothisblogbitch:

About a week or so ago, I started working on a parody of one of my favorite songs, The Proclaimers classic “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles),” which was about pirating movies (“I would swipe 500 files,” etc).

Without really meaning to, a few of the lyrics became focused on porn, and as the song began to take a creepier turn, I jokingly threw out the line “I would stalk 500 childs.”

Katie liked it so much that we ended up writing one about pedophilia instead.

Enjoy.

At the playground, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who sneaks up next to you
I have candy, and you know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who offers it to you

If I’m out driving, then my van is gonna be
It’s gonna be the van that you get lured into
And once you’re in there, there’s no way you’re getting free
Because the locks on all my doors are child-proof

‘Cause I would stalk 500 childs
And I would stalk 500 more
Just to be the man who stalked a thousand childs
To keep beneath my floor

When your mom’s working, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who chats online with you
And when she comes home, you should delete the history
In case Chris Hansen’s out there tryin’ to be a sleuth

If you’re a fat kid, well you know you’d better be
You’d better be someone who’s trying to lose a few
I’ve still got standards, and you know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the guy who finds somebody new

‘Cause I’d abduct 500 childs
And I’d abduct 500 more
Just to be the man who stole a thousand childs
To keep beneath my floor

DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA (DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA)
DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA (DIDDLE-A-DAT-DA)
DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DUM-DIH-DIH-DA-DA-DAH
‘OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!’
‘WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?’
‘IT’S THE POLICE AND
WE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID’
‘OH HOLY SHIT I SHOULD HAVE NOT SUNG THAT SO LOUD’

I grew up Catholic, and my parents repressed me
So I became this quiet freak who preys on youth
You should arrest me, and just throw away the key,
Or else I’ll point your gun at me until you shoot.

‘Cause I would touch 500 childs
And I would touch 500 more
Just to be the man who touched a thousand childs
I’m probably right next dooooooooor

I like it!  Although it may be a little outside the realm for what they would consider for a CH Original.

“I like it!  Although it may be a little outside the realm for what they would consider for a CH Original.”

Read: funny

Reblogged 2 months ago from nickgriffith (originally from welcometothisblogbitch)
23 notes • view comments
  1. everybodybutus reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch
  2. crowth reblogged this from jennifermorris
  3. jennifermorris reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch and added:
    thick Scottish accents asap plz (then video
  4. leeleeleelee reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch and added:
    your computer, download garageband for your computer. It’s...easy to record songs with....
  5. adamhrabik reblogged this from nickgriffith and added:
    “I like it! Although it may be a little outside the realm for what they would consider for a CH Original.” funny
  6. nickgriffith reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch and added:
    like it! Although...realm for what they
  7. danieleric reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch and added:
    amazing work, chasino
  8. menstrom reblogged this from welcometothisblogbitch
  9. welcometothisblogbitch posted this
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